Hello everyone! I think its been long enough since my last one of these so I’m back at it again with another ramble post. Plus I actually got really positive things on the last one!
If you missed it the first time, this series is going to be just me writing about whatever the hell I want and seeing what happens. Topics are whatever my heart desires and opinions are all my own.
On the list today: creativity and mental health. Because they go hand in hand after a while and one impacts the other and it just gets hard ok.
Creativity. It’s the whole reason why I have a blog in the first place and the whole reason why I write stories, fan fiction, and make Youtube videos. When you decide to create a world of endless possibilities opens up and you are allowed to truly express yourself – with words or with visuals.
I think first when most people think of creativity they might think of things like paintings or drawings that are made by hand by some incredible artist. Don’t scream at me if thats not what you think of – I’m just trying to make a quick generalization of what happens. Everybody has their own definition of creativity.
For me, creativity is a means of relieving stress and getting away from everything going on. When I need a break from it all I turn to writing and Sims to get away for a little bit. I work so much that I literally need to have some dedicated time on my days off to write and Sim and watch Youtube or honestly just do whatever so that way I don’t become depressed. And if I get told NOT to to any of those things (which has happened before) it makes my depression worse. It levels my sanity and makes me happy, which doesn’t happen a whole hell of a lot these days.
I want you guys to answer down below – cause I’m really curious: what is your definition of creativity and what do YOU think of when its said.
Everybody has problems and I am no stranger to mental health issues. My first semester of senior year of college I went and got myself put on antidepressants and weaned myself off them when I moved to Florida. Two years before that I had a massive breakdown that resulted in Public Safety officers coming to my dorm room at night and my mom driving 45 minutes up to school with my best friend (without me knowing). I started seeing someone at school and continued it till my senior year and even started seeing someone before I moved, just to make myself feel a little better.
And it’s always been there. Sure I’ve taken myself off the pills and don’t see anyone, but its always just been a little easier to deal with and I know how to get myself out of it for the most part.
Until a few weeks ago. I won’t go into TOO much detail (yet) since the situation is between me and someone else and they read this and KNOW what’s going on and what it’s doing to me. In short: depression is back with a mix of sadness AND anger (I get ticked REALLY easily now at the most mundane things) and anxiety is just off the charts. I don’t enjoy anything, such as leaving the house, talking to talk to literally anyone, writing, reading, Simming, playing other video games, taking care of myself – nothing brings me joy.
And naturally since I can’t get myself to like anything lately, making content has been hard. In just writing this section I have taken 10 breaks and gotten distracted multiple times with social media and whats going on around me. Focusing is not easy when this kind of thing happens as well. It hinders creativity (see how this ties together) and makes me doubt myself and question what I put out there.
It’s not good enough compared to others. There are better writers and creators than me. Someone can write about the same thing I do and get more views or likes than I, someone can make a build similar to I and get more views and likes. That’s just a fact of life that I’m still small and starting, and unfortunately depression just makes seeing that worse and all my rationality on the subject goes out the window and just puts all blame immediately on myself.
And I know that as creatives we need to know that despite views and likes we are doing just fucking fine with what we’re putting out. Someone may do the exact same thing as us but get more views and likes and popularity and that is totally fine – because regardless of that WE are creative and proud of our creations. (That’s the rationality talking right now)
And thats all I have for you today! This post took forever to come out because life happened and I had to focus on that for a bit but I hope you enjoyed it and I’ll see you in the next one!
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