Everything We Learned About Star Wars: Episode 9

HOLY HELL GUYS. On this day, April 12, 2019, Star Wars fans were blessed by the forces that be with a new trailer and a…


HOLY HELL GUYS. On this day, April 12, 2019, Star Wars fans were blessed by the forces that be with a new trailer and a name reveal for Episode 9. Before we literally go any further with this post, go yourself a favor and just… watch:

Now that you’ve done that, we’re gonna talk/shout/scream about some thoughts I have about this movie so far. Warning: obviously there will be spoilers ahead because that’s the whole point of this post. Go on at your own choice.

Alright, let’s get to the screeching. We’re gonna watch this bad boy segment by segment and over analyze every single fuckin’ thing.

It starts out with the scene in the thumbnail. Rey is on a sandy planet that many people are assuming to be Jakku, when we see her grip LUKE’S WHOLE LIGHTSABER THAT SHE FIXED. Then, we see the love of my fictional life in his TIE fighter, going straight towards her.

And in the most BAD ASS SCENE IN CINEMA I’VE SEEN IN A WHILE, she fuckin jumps and twirls right over his little emo ass and misses the whole damn fighter. This raises my first question, which is the fuck is Kylo Ren doing trying to run over Rey in the middle of the desert?

We don’t see anyone else in the scene except Rey and the TIE fighter. Either they’re training together in secret (cause you damn well know the rest of Rey’s friends won’t let that happen) or Kylo is back to normal and is actually trying to go after her.

I’m hoping it’s the latter because I really want Kylo to go back to being 100000% dedicated to the Dark Side. If they make him good again and redeem himself its gonna be the EXACT same thing as The Return of the Jedi and people are gonna bitch and hate it. I would be mad about that too, to be fair.

Then we go to a split second shot of a darker planet and a ship goes by. Is this the Falcon? Is it not? I’m not entirely sure, and the reinforcements I asked didn’t know either.

So now we move onto the next shot which is my baby, Kylo Ren, beating the shit out of someone else with Stormtroopers in the background. A lot of people are thinking that is may be one of the Knights of Ren, because we know it definitely is not the Resistance because they consist of like, 3 other people. This can tie into something at the end of the trailer, but we not there yet.

He then goes onto repair his mask. Unfortunately. I really wanted to be able to see his face god dammit. He goes it himself, so go Kylo for doing some arts and crafts. My question for this one is Who is Kylo beating the shit out of and JJ WHY DID YOU MAKE HIM HAVE A MASK AGAIN I WANNA SEE HIS FACE

We see a lot of glory shots of Poe and Finn, then Chewie and LANDO FUCKIN CALRISSIAN back in the Falcon. So holy shit!!! I think Lando looks pretty much the same, just older and a little heavier but I mean, that’s part of the older thing. It happens.

Also, BB8 has a new friend and I love it already. I want 20.

And there’s fighting on a ship that looks very much like the ship in The Return of the Jedi when Jabba tries to kill Luke, Han, and Lando. That reminded me of that. Do we really need to question who’s fighting? Can we all assume its The First Order and The Resistance? Good.

Then we move onto cry our fuckin eyes out when Rey hugs Leia. It says its the end of an era and then it goes onto THAT. We all need to prepare ourselves for the mass amounts of crying we’re gonna do when Leia dies because I am not ready. They were able to reuse a lot of older footage from the past two movies to write her in and, according to JJ, they wrote a lot of scenes around footage they already had of her. So that’s very tasteful, I just hope it doesn’t make the plot messy.

And then we see a shot of the dream team (Rey, Finn, Poe, Chewie, and driods) approaching the remains of Death Star 2 in the middle of the ocean.

Luke says “Nothing’s ever really gone.”

And then WE HEAR A FUCKIN EVIL LAUGH THAT SOUNDS AN AWFUL LOT LIKE SOMEONE WE ALL KNOW AND LOVE. AND ITS EMPEROR FUCKIN PALPATINE. If you don’t believe me, Ian Mcdiramond came out after the trailer at the end of the panel and pretty much confirmed it himself.

Then we see the title, that is ‘Rise of Skywalker’. And now, my feelings.

First of all, what fuckin Skywalker?? Luke is dead, Leia is going to be dead, there aren’t any Skywalker’s left unless you count Kylo, which at this point NO ONE IS. Are we going to finally get the Rey confirmation we’ve all been hoping for?? Are we gonna see Luke and Anakin as force ghosts and that’s it?? Why are the Skywalkers rising if this is the last movie??

And then it ends. And we’re left with our thoughts and theories, which are already floating around the internet like wild fire. So I want to know yours!

Also, since I want to leave this open in the comments, let’s remember to be respectful of each other’s opinions and preferences. I realize that probably 75% of people did not like the last movie and don’t have much hope for this one, and that’s okay. Just please, for the love of god be respectful of each other and keep it civil.

Until the next time I can scream about something!

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  1. It was a very good teaser. Raised a lot of questions and I am very much looking forward to December. It is sad that the Skywalker saga is ending, but the future of Star Wars is bright. I just hope Disney does not overdo it.

    I know you’re not a huge gamer, but they’re going to be revealing the game “Jedi: Fallen Order” tomorrow on the second day of Star Wars celebration. The story follows a padawan on the run after the events of Episode III. I hope you give it a look. I’m really looking forward to it. Great article, especially seeing as the trailer just came out.

    1. I’ve seen bits and pieces of it, and I’m thinking MAYBE if i do get a chance to get more into gaming that and the rest of the EA star wars games would be something I’d be into.

      Lucky for me, my entire department and I are all major nerds so we streamed the whole panel and were able to watch the trailer at drop. It was a very unproductive hour for us. I also spent my entire lunch break writing this post to get it out quickly.

  2. Hi there. So great article. I definitely fell off of the series pretty hard but typically enjoy them just always feel indifferent when announced. This looks good though I really just hope they wrap-up story and character threads and just have fun with this entry. Also yeah that name..what? Why? So no real hype(sorry) but optimistic.

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